Sea Of Love
by iamkellylouise
Summary: "You love me"..."Why do you keep saying that!" Addison exclaimed slightly frustrated "You walked away from me Alex, you didn't want me so, what is this? Why are you here! And why do you keep saying that I love you!" Addex.


**A/N: Not quite sure when this is set, 3 months after the S3 finale maybe, maybe less time than that, or more. Not sure that I like this to be honest. Review please =)**

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Addison stood at the front desk of the practice with her new found friends, all of them chatting away, happy that the day had come to and end and all ready to head out to a local bar to have a few drinks, everyone but Addison turned around when the elevator doors opened and an unfamiliar slightly haggard looking man stepped out.

"You love me" he said simply, Addison froze at the voice, everyone looked at each other with a 'should we call security?' look on their face.

"Addison" he said quietly "You love me"

Addison took a shaky breath and turned to face him "Alex what, what are you talking about?" she exclaimed "Why are you here?"

"You love me" he said taking a step towards her.

"No. I don't." she said firmly "You look like shit by the way"

"I haven't slept in 3 days" Alex replied "You love me"

"Why do you keep saying that?" Addison exclaimed slightly frustrated "You walked away from me Alex, you didn't want me so, what is this? Why are you here? And why do you keep saying that I love you!"

"Because I love you" he said calmly "And I know you love me too"

"You don't love me" Addison said shakily "And how do you know I love you? How do you know I wasn't just using you?" she shrugged.

"Addison, you know thats not true" Alex sighed "You love me"

"Stop saying that!" Addison exclaimed again.

"Do you want to know why I know you love me?" Alex asked "Because since you moved to Seattle, nothing has made you leave that place, not your ass of an ex-husband or his dirty mistress, not your dirty mistress coming after you and then treating you like crap, not the gossip or the name calling or any of the crap you got, all that stuff that I know really hurt you, you didn't leave, you held your head high and you stayed, because you were better than them and you knew it, but then there's you and me, and I screw up, I screw up and then you disappear for 2 days, and then when you come back, you're gone within the month, and it's all after I screwed up, so the thing is, I think it's because you love me, or at least you loved me then, because you got over Shepherd and Sloan, I saw you get over them, and you did that without leaving, so why did you have to leave the state to get over me?"

"You are so full of yourself you get that right?" Addison hissed.

"Maybe" Alex nodded "But I'm right aren't I"

"I just couldn't do it anymore" Addison said shakily "I couldn't have another person on my list of people to avoid, so I left, and I'm happy here Alex, why did you have to do this?"

"Because I love you"

"You love _Ava_"

"You want me to love Ava" Alex replied "And she's not Ava anymore she's Rebecca and I don't know her, and I didn't ever want her that way, not even when she was Ava, it's always been you, always"

"Oh really?" Addison said taking a step closer to him "Then answer me this Alex, why did you go after her? At the wedding, I told you to go after her and you did"

"Because I was scared!" he exclaimed "I didn't know what I was feeling, or what I was doing, I'm serious about the no sleep for 3 days because all I've been doing is thinking, thinking of why I did what I did and how I could fix it, I got to the hospital and she wasn't there, and I really, _really_ didn't care, but then I find out that you're gone for good and, it felt like someone had ripped half my organs from my body, and on top of that I was getting death stares from Torres and Sloan and, I screwed up, I really screwed up, because that's what I am, I'm a screw up" he said quietly.

"My parents were screw ups, they were addicted to drugs and drowned themselves in alcohol, me, my brother and sister were shipped from foster home to foster home and we were always split up and when we were all together and at home we had to listen to my Dad beating the crap out of my Mom almost every night, and he even got a few hits on me, because I was the oldest so I could handle it apparently" he said with a saddened laugh

"And then my Mom would forget to buy food, so because I was the oldest, and because I had to be both parents to my brother and sister, I stole it, I stole food, and I didn't want to, and it was wrong, and stupid, but that was how we lived, it was how we survived, and then everywhere seemed to install CCTV cameras and I ended up in juvie when I was 11.

I'm a screwed up guy Addison. I'm dark and twisty. I've never been good with women and that's not because I don't want to be, it's because I don't want to turn into my father, I don't want to get someone's love and trust and give them a family to throw it back in their face, literally. And I know I would never hit a woman, I would _never_ hit a woman, it's disgusting, it's truly disgusting, but I could still hurt a woman, because the family thing, I don't know what that's like, to have a family, I didn't grow up in a nice house in the suburbs and have Sunday barbecues, and my Dad didn't teach me how to play catch I taught myself, and I wasn't a happy kid, I don't know how to be a family guy, but I can try, I know now that I can try and be that guy for you, because I love you, I love you more than I've ever loved anyone, and I pushed you away because I got scared to let you in, and I will do anything to get one last chance with you, and, and nothing, nothing will ever be more important to me than you, I can promise you that, I'm in love with you Addison, and I'm really hoping you at least try to love me back because otherwise I've just made an idiot out of myself in front of a bunch of people I don't know and I…." Alex was cut off by Addison's lips on his.

"I still hate you" Addison whispered into his lips.

"Liar" Alex whispered before kissing her again.

"I know, I hate that" Addison mumbled.

"I love you" Alex said firmly.

"I love you too" Addison said softly, she reached up and cupped his face with her hands "You're nothing like your father y'know, nothing, you're a good guy Alex, you say stupid things sometimes but, you're a good guy"

"Well, you can get over a bad childhood, you can have…"

"The worst crap in the world happen to you, all you've gotta do is survive" Addison said softly "I've never forgot that y'know, when you said that I was going through possibly one of the worst days of my life and that, that got me through, you helped me before you even liked me"

"I liked you" Alex laughed.

"I was your bitchy controlling condescending boss who flew in from New York and broke Meredith Grey's heart, you didn't like me"

"That doesn't mean I didn't like you" he laughed "And it wasn't you who broke her heart it was the idiot who didn't tell her he was married, oh and uh, they're kind of on their way out"

"No way" Addison said with a slight gasp "Are they on drugs?"

"He told her that flirting with some girl at the bar was the highlight of his week and he couldn't keep breathing for her or whatever that means, I don't know, they'll work it out in the end, they always do"

"Yeah" Addison sighed "What about, us, how are we going to, work it out?"

"Look, don't kill me ok?"

"What did you do?" Addison said with a raised eyebrow.

"My car is kind of full of my stuff and I've just been to St Ambrose to finish my transfer papers"

"You did what?" Addison exclaimed "You left one of the best surgical programs in the country you moron!" she said hitting him on the shoulder.

"Seattle isn't you, you hate the rain, you need this place, a fresh start, so I'm here to share it with you" he smiled "So, what d'you say? Are you in this?"

"Of course I am" Addison whispered "I'm still mad at you"

"I'm still mad at me too" Alex said with a laugh.

"And you're going to have to find many many ways to make it up to me"

"Moving to LA isn't enough for you? As long as you don't put a 60 day sex ban on me, although, it was you who gave in first was it not?" he smirked.

"Shut up" Addison said hitting him "Idiot"

"Thanks" Alex laughed "So, are we going home?"

"Yeah" Addison said softly "Home" she smiled linking their fingers together, she reached out and pressed the elevator button but stopped still when she heard a hard cough, she turned around to see everyone smirking back at her.

"Oh uh, I uh" she stuttered.

"Forgot we were here?" Naomi finished with a smirk, she stepped forward and pointed her finger in Alex's face "You" she said firmly "I know all about you" she said waving her finger a little "And if you ever pull any crap like that again I will make your life a living hell, you got that?"

"Got it" Alex said almost nervously.

"Nae" Addison laughed "Leave him alone"

"I'm your best friend, threatening him is my job" Naomi shrugged.

"Yeah, I've kind of had threats from Torres, Sloan, Bailey, the Chief, Meredith and Izzie, so, I'm used to it" Alex said with a laugh.

"Wow, Meredith and Izzie too" Addison said with a smirk.

"Well, I told them the whole story, because they needed to know why I was leaving and, they hit me, a lot, and Meredith may look tiny, but I have bruises"

"I'll have to send them a thank you note" Addison teased.

"You just want to see me suffer don't you" Alex said kissing her "You're still Satan"

"You're still Evil Spawn" Addison laughed pulling him back into the elevator by his shirt, the group watched between the gap of the doors as Alex pressed Addison against the back wall in a passionate kiss.

"Well…." Sam started as the doors closed "That was…."

"Hot" Violet finished with a laugh "He was…."

"Very hot, she didn't tell me he was that hot" said Naomi "Lucky bitch" she muttered.

"You girls are making us feel _so_ loved right now" Pete mumbled.

"Aww, we're sorry" Violet said patting his chest "We'll buy the first round won't we Nae"

"Sure we will" Naomi smirked "Come on boys" she said pulling them into the elevator.

~x~

"Hey" Alex said softly as he walked out onto Addison's balcony to see her stood there wrapped in a small silk dressing gown.

"Hey" she whispered turning her head to him.

"It's 3 in the morning, what are you doing up?" he asked standing behind her, he wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his chin on her shoulder, Addison leant her body back into his a little.

"I just, couldn't sleep" she said quietly "I like listening to the sea, especially at this time, it's so, quiet, peaceful"

"It is" he said kissing her neck "What's on your mind Addie?"

"You want a family" she said simply.

"Yes, I want a family, with you" he replied.

"I, I can't, I can't have kids anymore" Addison said in a whisper.

"What?" Alex said turning her in his arms, she buried her head against his chest "What do you mean Addie?"

"I mean, I had some tests done the first time I came out here and, I can't have kids, I have 2 eggs left, 2 measly eggs, it's just not possible" she sighed "And you want a family so, you should just leave" she said pushing him away from her and walking back into her bedroom.

"You think I'd leave because of something so, you think I'd leave because of that!" Alex exclaimed walking in after her.

"You want a family, I can't give you a family" Addison said quietly.

"Have you not listened to anything I've said today? Yeah, I want a family, but the only person I want a family with is you!" Alex exclaimed "The Addison I know wouldn't give up, the Addison I know would be on the phone straight away getting adoption papers and, and she'd have sex 10 times a day to just try and get at those 2 eggs! She wouldn't give up! And she would listen when the man she loves, says he loves her, says he will never leave her, that's what the Addison I know would do, where the hell has that Addison gone?"

"Maybe that Addison is just tired of trying" Addison whispered tearfully.

"Addie come here" Alex said sitting down on the bed and pulling her onto his lap "This isn't the end, this is the beginning, there is no way on this earth I'm going back to Seattle, this is our home now, and there are two spare rooms out there that are desperate to be turned into bedrooms for whatever kind of kids come our way, whether they're adopted or not, to me, that's what those rooms are for, I love you Addison, so much, and that isn't going to change ok?"

"Ok" Addison whispered "Ok, I'm, I'm sorry for freaking out on you"

"That's ok" Alex said softly "Come on, let's get some sleep"

"Ok" Addison yawned, they climbed under the covers, Addison snuggled against Alex's body "Night Alex"

"Night Addie" Alex whispered "Addison?"

"Yeah" she whispered.

"I wasn't joking about the sex 10 times a day y'know"

"Shut up" Addison said hitting his chest.

"Night Addie" Alex said with a laugh.

"Goodnight Alex" she laughed.

~x~ ~x~ ~x~


End file.
